THE PEOPLE vs. DEREK

Charge

Habitual and Malicious Ordering of "One More Round" at Closing Time, Resulting in Third-Party Financial Ruin

The prosecution

Jacob Holloway

The People allege that the defendant, on no fewer than 14 documented occasions, uttered the phrase "ah go on then, one more" despite clear visual evidence that the group's collective bank balance had entered critical condition. Witnesses report the defendant has never once been the one to actually pay for said "one more round," having perfected a bathroom-timing escape maneuver so precise it should be studied by MI6. Evidence Presented: - 47 unread group chat messages titled "SPLIT THE BILL PLEASE 🙏" - A tab at the local pub that has outlived two changes of landlord - Testimony that the defendant once ordered "one more round" for a table of people who had already left and gone home

The defense

Derek

Plea: NOT GUILTY

This is simply "generosity of spirit, not of wallet," and that true friendship cannot be measured in pounds sterling.

The verdict is in

GUILTY

1 jurors participated.

100.0% GUILTY · 0.0% NOT GUILTY

The People have spoken.